One Year of Coaching and a Lifetime of Change
The big question I keep getting asked about my time in coaching is, “What have you learned on this journey?” In short, I have been completely rewired.
On July 8th I had my final life coaching training call. Since January I have been connecting with the same group of dynamic, loving, open people on Zoom each Wednesday learning and growing together. When the last call ended I just burst into tears. During COVID and quarantine, it was something to look forward to every week. It was also the end of my one year of coaching training. I have my oral exam on August 12th and then (God willing it goes well!) I will be certified.
The Odyssey
What a wondrous journey coaching training has been. For the first six months from July-December, I had to attend the in-person training. The first one was in DC last July. I was there for four days and it was the first delicious taste of what was to come. When people say ‘All the Feels’ this is basically coaching training. I’ve never cried, laughed, been scared to death, and full of love all in eight hours, every day for three days. The five other classes were all in NYC, an easy place to go with direct flights from Charleston and at the time I still had my apartment in Harlem. I trained through CTI and you could pick which cities and dates worked best with your schedule. It’s called ‘pop-corning’ around, a term new to me but makes travel sound so fun!
When I first started this journey I was in such a different place. I had been separated from my husband for six months. It was still terrible, confusing, and horribly depressing to realize something I thought was forever was not meant to be. I had lost my job a year earlier as the Editor-in-Chief of a men’s lifestyle site, and the freelance writing work was just trickling in. I was at a pretty low point and that’s why I decided to really stop and rethink my life and what I wanted. I love listening, and watching people blossom and life coaching has helped me tremendously over the past nine years, so I asked around to therapists I knew and even my own coach about their thoughts of me exploring this career move. They all cheered me on like they had been waiting for me to make this decision since birth. Their response was my first boost of confidence on my new adventure.
Through this year I have blossomed myself. I have gained more confidence, dug deeper to better understand what was holding me back from fully loving myself, and really worked on finding a balance. All the things I work on with my clients, I work on with myself. I’ll never forget what one of the coaches said in training, “When someone asks you the top 5 things you love in life and you are not one of them, there is a problem.”
Looking back through my notes, sitting with all I have been reading, listening to, learning, I wanted to reflect on some of the bigger picture things I have learned through my first year of coaching:
- Slowing down: From the moment I wake up, I make sure to take a few minutes just for me, in silence, for my thoughts to come into form and not instantly reaching for my phone.
- Flow: The way I talk to people has changed. I ask empowering questions in everyday dialogue, I listen deeper, I try to let go of judgment. I often think of On Being’s Krista Tippet. She is such an amazing listener and always asks such open-ended and intuitive questions. I am sure she has had some coaching classes!
- Listening: I now can tap into my three levels of listening and really see the meta-view (big picture) instead of focusing on the minutia. This also has strengthened my intuition, which is a big part of coaching.
- Digging Deeper: I have done the work I do with my clients- mining for my own values, my life purpose, my inner allies- and I keep all of these on my phone to reflect on when need be. They really have built a foundation for me and for clients.
- Truth: The biggest lesson I have learned is speaking my truth. I have been talked down to and not stood up for myself for years. In jobs, relationships, and friendships. I never want to hurt anyone or rock the boat. And that has caused me to be bulldozed and bullied. NOT TODAY SATAN.
- Go Deep: I have learned to deepen the learning and not forward the action quite so fast. I know I will always be a people pleaser at heart, and it’s always been hard for me to not just solve someone’s problems for them. But that’s not what coaching is all about. The answers come from the client and you just guide them along with the right questions. Sure I can speak from experience regarding divorce, coming out, codependency, but a life coach is not there to tell a client what to do. And we don’t have to solve any issues by the end of a call, we can go deep and let the client marinate in it until the next call.
- Mentor: I have worked with my own life coach, a gay man who I connect to deeply. Through him, I have learned so much about myself and how to be a fearless coach. I have also learned that there are parts of me that may not ever change. But how I handle those demons has changed, from numbing them with alcohol to calming them through meditation, yoga, kettlebells, and the power of positive thinking. This is probably the biggest ‘aha’ moment I have had through all of this work. It has truly been a hero’s journey and I am thankful to be at a place of acceptance and understanding although it’s a never-ending battle with demons, life coaching is one of the most powerful ways to focus less on them and more on the positive aspects of life.
- Coaching skills are life skills and I love sharing what I have learned with my clients so they too can live a life that is more balanced, that flows.
Self-work is never done. It’s an ongoing process for those who choose to accept the challenge. I have gained so much self-confidence, self-love, patience, and acceptance through this journey. I am excited to share all of this knowledge with clients, friends, and family. I am also thrilled to be in a profession where the learning never ends. I have training with Evryman coming up (as well as co-facilitating their GBT men’s group every Wednesday at 1 pm!) and there are countless other coaching courses I am eager to explore. Of course with COVID, who knew this work would come at such an opportune time? Believe me, it’s been as helpful to my clients as it has been to myself- the loneliness and lack of community has been nearly debilitating for me on some days. Having clients to check in with, work with, and grow with has been profoundly beneficial.
And now for the next chapter to unfold. I am so excited to see where the next year takes me and this new career path. I am trying so hard to be patient! But I am eager to expand my business, connect with more clients, and continue to learn and grow in the wellness world. Shout out to all the supportive friends and family out there who have been my rock as I find my stride in this next chapter!
Deep Breath…
