Have You Ever Bullied a Queer Person?

Cator Sparks

·

Follow

3 min read

·

Jun 10, 2021

--

Listen

Share

Happy Pride Month Y’all!

Have you ever bullied a gay, lesbian, non-binary, or trans person? If so, how did it feel when you spoke? What was going on in your life that day? What would you say to that person today? Take a deep breath and let this prompt sink in. Use it for your morning meditation or your morning drive.

This prompt isn’t just for straight folks — there is internal homophobia in our own community. I remember snubbing my nose at men in tutus prancing in the Atlanta Pride parade. “Why do they have to be so flamboyant?” I sneered. I felt confused, I didn’t understand what pride was all about, and I saw myself as better than them. That was before my drag persona, Spectra Gramm, was born and she has since worn less than a tutu and taught me so very much about what it looks like and feels like to be living as my truly authentic self.

As we move into Pride month and I think about my journey, bullying always comes up. To be honest, it is something I think about often. What was going through the minds of people when they bullied me or made fun of me?

During a high school reunion ten years ago, one of my biggest bullies was drunk and kept trying to hang out with my friend group. I finally told him why he couldn’t — because he caused me so much pain for so long. He looked at me blankly and had no idea his daily name calling had such an effect. I wish I had my coaching skills then to go deeper with him. Alas! In the words of the great Maya Angelou: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

Speaking of, I am excited to share that on June 18th I will be co-hosting a call on EVRYMAN (open to anyone who identifies as male)- Celebrating Pride. Learning, Connecting, and Understanding Your GBTQ Brothers. There are a few gay men who work with EVRYMAN so Mike Sagun, Marc Holzman and I decided to host a call for all men to join and learn more about the LGBTQ+ community. Guests can ask questions about our lifestyle, coming out, being bullied, even sex! We want this to be a safe space for straight men to get to know our community. We will also be asking men about their past experience as a bully and if they are open to process that experience together. Doesn’t healing feel good?

Besides this exciting event, I just want to remind everyone to be aware of Pride and the Pink Dollar. It’s been exciting to see so many brands get on the Pride band wagon from rainbow Legos to rainbow Skittles, but make sure you are supporting brands that are supporting the LGBTQ community (these two are, btw!). We often see brands marketing all their Pride gear yet they don’t offer same-sex benefits to their employees, for example, or they openly support politicians who are anti-LGBTQ. Here are a few suggestions of brands to buy from here and here. But, of course, BUY LOCAL if you can! Support your local queer book shop, coffee shop, soap maker, yoga teachers. And remember, meaningful support should be felt throughout the year — not just for one month.

Looking for a new show to watch? Take time to watch PRIDE, a new six part docu-series on Hulu about six decades of Pride, told by the people who lived it. It’s powerful, beautiful, heartbreaking, and uplifting.

Finally, but most importantly, Black Trans Lives Matter. At least 28 transgender or gender nonconforming people have been killed in 2021, according to the Human Rights Campaign. Black and Latina transgender women are most at risk. Read more here and donate here.

Know someone who is struggling with coming out? Have questions about the community? As always, I’m loud, I’m proud, I’m here to help.